June 2, 2010

My past does haunt me, I wish it was a hot chick

I was [and still am] having a wonderful day. I had just gone outside and wrestled with the puppies and then I read them a story. I came back in, my melatonin giving me a nice sleepy happy feeling. Slowly I bring the room to dark and begin my sleeping yoga, after only 5 min. The dogs start yapping. Someone is home. They bark loud, which kind of pisses me off, especially since I've trained them very well about not barking.


I chase after them and give them a firm scolding. Turns out it was my Mom returning home from work. I can always tell when my mom is upset. I actually have that ability with the majority of the people I come into contact. It's called empathy, well part of it is. I just have a really good sense of others moods, feelings etc... I'm good a reading people. That's it.


My mom runs past my room and heads straight for the office. Shutting the door rather roughly, not a hello or hi or I love you sweetie like usual. Just silence, and a fair amount of heavy sighing. The puppies really wanted to say hello to mom, so I knocked on the door, and got a rude 'come in'.


I instantly asked her if everything is alright. She tersely replied that everything was fine, then immediately said that she was missing a refund check, and that I had taken it.


I really have no idea what check she's talking about, she said she had endorsed it, which apparently makes her think that just anyone can cash it. That's not the case, unless she signs it over to me it's useless to me. I mentioned a few very logical responses, which she didn't take well, especially since it opened her eyes to the fact that I had not taken it. Right now though, it's easier to stay mad at me, and assume I took it than to apologize and look for it.


I mentioned that she should call whatever company the check came from to see that it had not been cashed, to cancel the check and send another one. I also told her about needing the check to be signed over to a specific person by name, which she had not done. 


I apologized that she had lost her check. I know the feeling and it sucks. I offered to help her look for it, but she just stayed mad. I just wish she'd be straight-forward, tell me what's really going on so I can address it. 


Anyhow, I digress. I went back to my room with the puppies, after a few minutes I heard her walk by and asked her if she'd found it. She blew me off and said she was tired of looking for it, with the implication that 'why look cause I know you took it' type of attitude. 


I feel better. I needed to vent. I told her that I thought we had built up a lot of trust and that things were going great, she writes me blank checks, gives me her debit/credit card and doesn't even ask to see the receipt. We have built trust, but then something like this happens, where in her mind she thinks I've done something wrong, when I actually haven't. Regardless of my guilt, in her mind the trust is broken, and I've slipped backwards and now have to work more and more again to repair it. It's retarted.


I try hard to build trust, be honest, truthful and act as though God were watching me always, which he is. I mean sure I speed, I run through stop signs when I'm out in the middle of nowhere, I have very little respect for the government or it's laws. However, family is a different story. Family is the most important thing, and I'm lucky that I have one (dysfunctional as it may be) I'm so very lucky. These are the struggles that we face though, in order to keep some semblance of love, trust and caring.


She texted me an apology a week or so after she had accused me. It said that she was really sorry, and that she had found the check. I'm so glad, I just hate it when people don't trust me. I'm always honest, and trustworthy. No reason at all for her to disbelieve me. Oh well, we both learned, laughed, hugged it out and all is well now.

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